Spring...forward...dash it!

One goes to sleep. The dreamy overcomes one and slumber ensues. Rest accrued. All that sort of bally thing. Good for the soul, what? Then, the blasted alarm goes off--A WHOLE HOUR EARLY! One jumps out of bed; one throws the requisite slipper at the offending machinery. The bally thing refuses to cease and desist, and so, belatedly, one applies the firm hand to the disturber of peace and quiet. Why? Why this racket at such an indecent hour? Why this insanity? All thanks to you, Carolus Linnaeus. Just because you couldn't sleep when the sun came stealing through the curtains, you decided to foist on the unsuspecting public this...this... Words fail. The old vocab. can't stand the test. This Thing. Now, thanks to you, glasses of unspeakable contents are raised in the hopes of forcing conciousness on a resisting frame. All humanity recoils. It revolts. Rebellion ensues. What is the upshot? The blighted upshot is that the nation stands divided. Divided I tell you! Over this issue of when one gets up in the morning from the first Sunday of April to the last Sunday of October. Alaska, Hawaii, Arizona, and various rebels (bless them) elsewhere have clung to the sheets and pillow. Our nation calls on us to act. "What can we do," say you. "Ah hah!" say I, "I have the answer." As culture spread from the East to the West, or was it West to East? Whatever the direction, the point is, it spread. Enlightenment, Reformation, and chocolate covered coffee beans have all moved with progress. The answer is to flow with reason and ebb with sound judgement. In short--join the rest of the world in blissful disobservance of the blight upon humanity of this so-called Daylight Savings Time. If some odd bean wishes still to rise and fall with the sun, I would be the last to dissuade. However, I'd be the first to explain that his actions should in no way invalidate mine. In conclusion, join the movement of progress and exert your rights--sleep in with purpose!